


Ember

by pastelmoondust



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Angst, Emotional, M/M, Robots, Sad, hopefully it's enjoyable, this is my first work in this fandom so idk, this ship is gonna kill me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 22:57:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4895530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelmoondust/pseuds/pastelmoondust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ikari Shinji is a depressed high school student who had no choice but to meet the newest, and by far the most advanced ANGEL prototype that had ever been made. The bond that they end up forming comes to be unlike most others, to say the least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okaayy so this is my first kawoshin fanfic and i hope it's alright! this ship is so precious and i cry

"Why won't you tell me where we're going, Misato-san?" The sky was overcast and promising rain as the scenery rolled by, mixing the dark tar of the road with the greens of the grass, the mostly dull hues of the cars, and the off-white of the concrete, resulting in an unprecedented flurry of colors. The stains of pigment from busy sidewalks contributed to the lively clutter, the bright hues of people's clothing barely fitting in with the otherwise monochromatic setting of a gloomy and damp day.

"I told you, Shin-chan, it's going to be a surprise!" A cheerful voice rang out from the driver's seat, slightly startling Shinji after being snapped out of, somewhat of a semi-trance. A huff of exasperation sounded from his slumped form that situated itself against his window, having no choice but to shift his attention to how the glass was now being peppered with droplets of rain. Just when he was about to whine about how long this drive was taking, Misato suddenly came to a stop and exclaimed "We're here!".

Clutching his trusty SDAT player with clammy hands, he hesitantly stumbled out of the car, clumsily slamming the door shut behind him. The building that stood before him was quite intimidating and made Shinji feel nauseous just looking at it. After a full day of school and social interaction, he was extremely tired and the last thing that he wanted to do was be at this unfamiliar place. Since the stirring rainstorm that was quickly accumulating with harder and larger droplets by the minute was coupled with said unfamiliar place, he just wanted to leave even more. Seemingly foreseeing this situation, Misato magically whipped out an umbrella and opened it, allowing it to tower over and shield both her and Shinji from the oncoming symptoms of a heavy storm. 

Grabbing Shinji's wrist tightly so that he wouldn't run off, Misato dragged him down towards the building that now stood merely a few feet away. Shinji tried to control his breathing as he found it getting irregular, which proved to be a re-occurrence whenever he found himself in these public circumstances that involved people (Misato even counted as 'people'). He wanted to be in his bed sleeping more than anything right now, where he was at least in the slight comfort of familiar surroundings. Even though he didn't particularly feel 'at home' when he was in Misato's apartment, it was better than nothing, considering he really had no other place to go to anymore. Ever since his mother's death, he was abandoned by his father, having no choice but to later be taken in by his current care-taker. Misato was almost like a mom, if you left out her severe drinking habits and slobby nature, but then again it was better than nothing, so Shinji didn't see much of a reason to complain.

As they made their way through the doors, Shinji was slightly taken aback at how cold the place was and how the air was so chemical-ridden that it made his nostrils burn. However, he ultimately just dealt with it, since that was the least he could do in his depressing existence. The last thing that Shinji wanted was to be rejected and left alone to his own demises, even though that was probably the best thing that the people who already had to deal with him could do. Shinji hated himself for how selfish he was for attention and reassurance, and he especially hated how much of a damn burden he was and how particularly useless he proved to be. I mean, he had to rely on Misato for shelter, his 'friends' had to pretend to like him just so he could see how stupid and truly alone he was, and the list goes on. And on. And on. He would end his life himself, but of course he had to be too much of a coward to even start off with something as simple as slitting his own wrists or something.

As Shinji reflected on his many problems, Misato dragged him through multiple hallways with various twists and turns until finally coming to a stop in front of a large window that was shrouded in curtains, deeming it impossible to see inside... well unless... 

"Ow, what-" As Shinji tried to peel away some of the pesky curtains, Misato slapped his hand away, shaking her head and righteously holding up a finger.

"Shinji-kun, we need to introduce ourselves the right way! We don't introduce ourselves through glass, now do we?" Misato said matter-of-factly, marching up to the door that led to the other side of the glass.

"But, I was just..." Shinji didn't even get to finish his sentence as he was yanked by Misato's hand so that he would be next to her. What was she even talking about? Introducing themselves through glass and... Who exactly were they even going to see that would involve introducing? As Shinji realized that his social skills were going to be needed, he mentally prepared himself to say the things that he should say, the ways of how he should present himself and... What?

As Misato pushed the door open and went into the room with Shinji following closely behind, what he saw was not quite what he had expected. There were wires strewn all about the place, but the thing that he actually was more concerned about was the figure standing in midst of the wires. It looked like something that was meant to resemble a male, possessing a face that looked very human with skin as pale as porcelain, accompanied with tousled, silky ashen hair. Unlike its delicate face, its body was very clearly mechanical and was made of various machinery, all shaped closely enough to look that of a human's (well, at least if you compared silhouettes). On the middle of its chest, there was a dull sphere about the size of a tennis ball.

Shinji's throat felt dry and he didn't have any words. He clenched his fists and desperately tried to muster up something to say to Misato, but was abruptly interrupted by a sudden whirring sound. Beeping was soon sounding in partner with the whirring, adding to the noise pollution that broke the previous silence from moments ago. After a bit, there were white lights that flickered on in certain parts of its body, and the sphere on its chest was starting to glow a bright red, the cold air that was emanating from it before turning warm. Shinji gasped when the robot's eyes blinked open, revealing brilliant crimson irises that closely resembled the color of the sphere. Its eyes shifted to meet Shinji's own midnight blue, its mouth slowly lifting at the corners to form a gentle smile. After another minute or two, the whirring and beeping duo ceased, shrouding the room in silence once more.

The robot looked almost thoughtful, as if it was deep in thought and trying to process what was going on, just as Shinji was. Of course this robot was much more calm about the matter, whereas Shinji felt like his heart was going to fly out of his chest at any moment. Shinji looked over to Misato in panic, expecting some sort of explanation from her, but she didn't say anything and simply gave him a small grin. There was a shifting sound from a certain red-eyed folk's direction, and Shinji turned his head back around to see it holding out an arm as if it were expecting a handshake. Shinji was frozen in shock and just looked at its hand as if it would kill him. Seeming to understand that he was scared, it dropped its arm back to its side, smiling slightly wider.

"Hello, I am Nagisa Kaworu. If you do not mind me asking, who would you be?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinji and Kaworu get to know each other.

"Alright Shinji-kun, so this here is _Tabris_ , one of the latest ANGEL prototypes, yet the most advanced one yet! Isn't that exciting?" Misato clasped her hands together. Shinji could tell that she was forcing herself to look as enthusiastic as possible.

"T-Tabris..? I... I thought his name was... Nagisa?" Shinji mumbled almost incoherently.

"Oh yeah, for some reason, Tabris here likes calling himself 'Nagisa Kaworu', which could be a glitch in the system or something. Nethertheless, it shouldn't be too much of a problem, so there's really no need to worry about it." There a was some sort of strange edge to her voice that Shinji couldn't help but notice, but he chose not to question it. At this, the robot with an undecided name seemed to flinch. Since robots were known to be emotionless machines, Shinji was probably just imagining it.

"Okay... So, why am I here again..?" Shinji fumbled with the cords of his earbuds, looking down at the floor. 

"Well, Shinji-kun, everyone else here in NERV is too busy to properly keep an eye on this thing. So because of that, I've decided that you're gonna be the one to take on the job! Now all you have to do is keep an eye on his behavior, see if anything's acting up-"

"W-wait! I don't know-"

"Come on Shin-chan! This is so easy that even a five year-old could do it!"

"...Why don't you get a five year-old to do it then?"

"Ugh, look, just give it a try and see if you like it. Besides, you're someone that I could trust, so just do this for me... Please?" Misato then proceeded to give Shinji puppy dog-eyes, in which it managed a sigh out of him at how poor her attempt was. 

"Fine. I'll do it, Misato-san," Shinji said. Without warning, Misato took his frail body into her arms. Shinji just about suffocated from the deathly hug, but it was over before he knew it. She waved goodbye to him as she walked out the door, promising that she'd come back to pick him up in an hour or two. Shinji then turns to see red-eyes meeting his. Shinji felt his breath hitch as he realizes just how intense that crimson was. He immediately looks down at the floor, scared to possibly provoke this machine and make it go on a 'destroy everything' mode (if it even had such a thing). Shinji soon finds his mouth opening and closing like a that of a fish's, unsure of what he should say to break this uncomforatable silence.

"You are Shinji, correct?" At the sound of his name, he snaps his head up to see the robot looking at him expectantly.

"Uh, y-yeah. Ikari Shinji." Shinji had no idea how he mananged to stutter only once when he spoke that time. He supposes it was an improvement.

"I see, Ikari-kun. Well, I'd prefer to be referred to as Nagisa Kaworu of course, but I suppose Tabris isn't that bad." God, this thing's voice was so... human. He found himself noticing how hard it was to believe it as a robot from voice alone. From what Shinji knew, robot voices were supposed to sound like grinding metal, but this one's sounded like a flowing river.

"No- no! It's fine, I'll just call you Nagisa-kun, okay?" Shinji inwardly cringed at how tiny his voice sounded. He was sure he was just making everything a lot more awkward than it already was.

"Just Kaworu is fine, Ikari-kun,"

"Oh, um... Shinji is fine for me too, Kaworu-kun." Shinji was screaming internally at this point. Why were these introductions taking so long?

"Well then, Shinji-kun, perhaps we should start off by asking one another some questions?"

"Okay... do you want to go first..?" Shinji murmured. At this, Kaworu nodded as best as the wires would allow him.

"Hmm," He hums, "What do you like to do, Shinji-kun?" 

"O-oh! Uh... I guess I like playing the cello... sometimes..."

"Ah, I've heard of those! I've always wondered what it's like to play a musical instrument, especially a piano." Shinji was thoroughly surprised at that. Weren't robots... No, just forget about that. This was obviously a _special_ robot, and that most likely meant that stereotypes didn't apply as much. Misato did say that this was the most advanced one yet, right? So why was he having such a hard time figuring out why it was so human? If it was so advanced, then it probably is more human than the rest so-

"Shinji-kun, are you alright?" Asked a slightly concerned Kaworu. At this, Shinji jumped and almost tripped over a table.

"AH! ... I mean... yeah..." He could've sworn that he was going to break everything in this room if he didn't stop thinking about Kaworu and his advanced self. If he did manage to trip over that table, he was probably going to have a bad day, considering all of the sharp metal instruments that rested on it. 

"Is that so? Well, I think that it's time for you ask me a question now. That is how it works, correct?"

"Yeah that is... that is how it works... Uh, okay, so, um... " Kaworu waited patiently for Shinji to form his question, but that didn't take away the fact that he was panicking as if he had a time limit.

"Kaworu-kun," He finally manages, gulping. "Are... you lonely..? Like, I mean... how you just sit here everyday, with only the company of all those... scientists... Examining you and... Well! I'm just assuming that's what happens, um, sorry if I was wrong or..." Shinji suddenly comes to a horrifying realization of what he just said. Why didn't he ask a simple and harmless question? Like, what color he liked, or... something.

"Ah, no, you are right, Shinji-kun. In fact, you were quite accurate. To answer your question... I've actually never given it much thought. Though, now that it has come to mind... I suppose that it is... _lonely_ here. I apologize, but you see, I was never asked such a question before," Kaworu explains, tilting his head to the side, "'Lonely' is a term that has been stored in the very depths of my programming. I am now curious as to what other things can be uncovered."

 

-

 

"So, Shinji-kun," Misato struggles for her keys, which were more than likely to be at the bottom of her bag, "How was it? Did you have any fun?" Shinji stared at his care-taker, slightly concerned about the antics that came about from fishing for some keys. 

"It was fine, I guess... It wasn't as bad as I thought anyway..." He sighs, blinking water droplets from his eyelashes. The technicolor of city ahead was making his head spin, the cars that zoomed across the street were hurting his ears... he just wanted to go to his room and be done with this day already.

"Aha! Found them!" Misato exclaims a little too loudly, triumphantly holding up her keys as if they were a trophy. Shinji decided that she needed some praise for her work, so he lightly clapped his hands. This was a new record, which was pretty deserving of some sort of credit, considering that the last time she had to find her keys, it took almost the whole day. Shinji wasn't sure if he would've been able to sit through something like that again...  
"See? I told you that you wouldn't hate it!" Misato laughs as she made her way into the vehicle. Shinji followed suit. 

"Yeah..."

"Do you feel up to going there tomorrow?" Shinji thinks for a moment. Yeah, Kaworu was a weird robot-thing, but he wasn't intolerable. He wasn't annoying at all, actually. He was pretty interesting and his curiosity was somewhat endearing. Shinji was the only real person Kaworu had at the moment, and not seeing him again just might make Shinji feel even more horrible about himself, especially if he admitted that he was _lonely_.

"Okay." Shinji mumbles, closing his eyes. He stuffs his earbuds into his ears, allowing his senses to be overcome with the sound of music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you could, leaving a comment would really help me out! i would love to see some feed back on this story, and if i should keep going or not


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying to get back into this story again aaaa sorry this chapter is so short. also i'm sorry if there are any errors throughout the first chapters and this one, this is the first fanfic i've wrote in a while so i'm a bit rusty, but i hope you enjoy anyway

"Shinji-kun?"

"Uh... Yes?"

"What is it like to feel 'sad'?"

Shinji wanted to say that it felt as if you were cracking, cracking from the pressure. The pressure that was derived from none other than the flood that threatened to destroy something that was already too fragile to stand on its own. The shell that you've spent years trying to fix breaks again. After all that mending to those reoccuring fractures that plagued the carapace, it still wasn't good enough. It pains you to discover that it's still too weak, too weak after all the effort. However, that was probably too complicated for Kaworu to process with his limited knowledge, so Shinji just decided to answer with the infamous phrase of "I don't know". A smile warms Kaworu's features.

"Thank you."

Shinji flinches. Kaworu is accustomed to a habit of thanking him now. It didn't matter how Shinji replied to his queries, whether it was as unhelpful as "I don't know" or some form of jibberish. The only thing that seemed to matter was that it was an answer. Nothing more, nothing less.

It has been about a week since Shinji had started visiting Kaworu. He was still very much depressed, but he didn't dwell on that idea as much these days. The idea that Kaworu was learning, at least, some things from Shinji made him feel somewhat important for once. He was responsible for teaching this robot, who was more or less going to be the future of this world. It was quite terrifying to think about. He couldn't imagine what was supposed to be an amazing accomplishment being degraded to trash, all because of Shinji. Well, Kaworu was probably smart enough to know better, but the idea was still mortifying. The entire world would despise him for ruining something that was meant to be great. He'd have no one left at all because they'd all give up on him, making sure to remind him that everyone was angry. Angry at Ikari Shinji for being so damned stupid. For all he knew, Kaworu was going to realize how hopeless everything was if he was seeking information from Shinji. Before he knows it, he'll be alone once more. Shinji was used to this, but for some reason it especially hurt when he thought about Kaworu leaving him.

"Shinji-kun?" Kaworu's gentle lilt prodded Shinji back to reality.

"Y-yes?"

"What is it like to be in love?" Shinji thinks. The word "love" is almost alien to him at this point. 

"I don't know," he says.

"... Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry if i'm awkward replying to your comments, but just know that i appreciate them!! :')


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back bois. i've been re-watching eva lately and i guess it inspired me some. i edited a little bit of the chapters before because some of the wording was really awkward, so i hope i fixed that somewhat. also, i may up the rating later, so what do you guys think about that? comments are appreciated!

Shinji sat cross-legged on the cold, hard floor, twirling a particularly thin wire between his fingers. He knew that, even without looking up, Kaworu was staring at him. It was unnerving, but Shinji had been somewhat used to it by now. However, he finally did look up when he heard the door open from behind him.

"Hey Shinji, that's enough for today. Let's go home." Misato says. Shinji sighs, obediently getting up to leave. It had been quite uneventful that day, as a lot of his conversation with Kaworu involved awkward silences and, well, staring. 

"Bye, Shinji-" was all Kaworu managed to get out before he was powered down. How morbid, Shinji thought. He stepped out the door.

-

Home didn't feel like home these days. Misato had been drinking more lately, and he'd find strange papers piled on the kitchen table if they weren't strewn about the floor. Shinji never bothered to really read any of it. Besides, it all might as well be in a different language, because while cleaning up, the words he'd see out of the corner of his eye are something he'd never understand. Though sometimes, he would catch Kaworu's name, or Tabris' in this case, written in bold letters amongst the text. As much as he would like to know more about this mysterious android, it was truly none of his business. Shinji was just some kid who was supposed to keep from NERV's machine from being truly alienated from human behavior. There was nothing special about Shinji's role in this project. He would never be special to anyone; his father proved that to him long ago. 

Misato didn't exchange any words with Shinji as he went directly to his room. She seemed tired anyway, so he might as well leave her alone. He took off his school clothes and changed into something more comfortable before laying down on his bed. _You would never be special to anyone_ the wind sighs, clawing at the window. _Not even to him_ the rain wails, joining in. _It's been raining a lot lately_ Shinji closes his eyes. _Kaworu-kun..._ He imagined that Kaworu was like him. He'd walk with him to school, they'd share classes together, his skin would feel warm, tangible. _Kaworu-kun..._ He imagined that Kaworu was laying with him in bed, smiling, chuckling. He's holding his hand. _Kaworu..._ He's leaning his head down towards his-

"Shinji?" His eyes snap open to the sound of knocking on the door. "Do you want to get take-out tonight? Like pizza or something?" Misato asks.

"U-uh! No thanks! I'm not hungry..." Shinji trails off, remembering what he was thinking about just moments ago. 

"Oh, alright. There's some leftovers in the fridge, so whenever you want anything you can have that."

"Yeah... Thanks..."

He hears Misato walk away.

Shinji's face feels so hot. He pulls up his blankets over his head. _How disgusting..._

-

"So, how much longer are you going to keep this up?" a woman with blonde hair asks. The two figures were standing in a dark room, several tanks containing orange fluid and pale bodies with mangled limbs and lacerated skin cursed their sight. The one in the middle tank was different, however, holding a body that looked near perfect, if it weren't for the contrasting red of the gash on it's neck. It shouldn't have looked so blissful, having been devoid of life. Orange tinted glasses glared in the shadows.

"Don't worry. He'll be rid of us soon enough."


End file.
